Marking time, or living life?

Thoughts for the day:

No guts, no glory. But really, who cares about the glory? I don't. Having the guts and inner fortitude to do, say, act upon something reinforces that I've accomplished something. Taking a step, speaking a word, or following a path that many others were too fearful to tread upon is what matters most to me. Being authentic and genuine is the best gift I can give to others, as well as to myself.

We all have stories to tell about things that have happened in our past, things that have cemented who we are and why we say or do things the way we do. There is no competition with anyone else, because there is nobody else like you -- period.

Will you speak your mind, or remain silent?

Will you explore, or remain satisfied by what others tell you?

Will you ask challenging questions, or will you remain cozy in the downy comfort of stories (and lies) you have been told?

Will you grow a metaphorical spine, or will you remain spineless?

Will you put your thoughts out there (even if they shock or repel), or will you stay silent, muted, and loyal to the status quo?

The choices are up to you. You came into this world alone, and you will leave alone. What you do in between is, ultimately, in your hands.

It is a harsh truth, and one I'm still learning. But at some point you must leave the shadows and gaze at the bright, piercing sun -- even if it hurts your eyes, or your soul.

What will you do, or what will you not do?

Are you living life, or simply marking time?

I don't want to just mark time...I want to live life on my own terms.

Living as you're intended

The other night we watched clips of the popular '70s (and beyond) dance show, "Soul Train," with Don Cornelius. I miss those days when things seemed more innocent and simpler. Of course, I was a young child, so it wasn't truly the case. It's just that the world hadn't yet had a chance to fully get its claws in me and I hadn't seen the many horrors I've now been exposed to in my fifty years of life.

I miss the times when all I had to worry about was finishing a report for school or whether a cute boy I liked would like me back so we could "go" together. You know, life could be uncomplicated, but we humans utterly insist on making it such.

I think it's possible to live without pain, drama, and crisis in our lives. When we live with those things, we get sick...mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I don't want to be sick. I want to be well. I want to live as I was intended to live, with joy, hope, and creativity.

Do you?

[Humor] True Survivor - David Hasselhoff

This is one helluva EPIC music video--so hilarious! Probably The Hoff's best work!
David Hasselhoff - True Survivor

Down with the sickness -- for nearly TWO weeks!

Cross-posted here and on my FB pages:

I'm sorry I haven't posted much over the past two weeks. I've been incredibly ill since April 9th. I cannot recall being so sick in recent memory; in fact, I was in bed for almost 1 1/2 weeks straight, and hoping the super flu I caught wasn't going to turn into pneumonia. Unfortunately, my husband also caught it as he was taking care of me. frown emoticon

We had tickets to see a concert last week, and I thought I'd better go since Icouldn't afford to throw that money away (and it was for a particular musical group I will probably never get to see again -- unless I'm in Japan). At any rate, I nearly passed out that night and had a hard time breathing due to my asthma and bronchitis.

The following day, I had a relapse. Yesterday was the first day I could sit in the office without having to go lie down again, because each time I tried to get up and get back to normal, I nearly passed out and I felt incredibly weak. Anyway, this illness has been the worst in my entire life -- no exaggeration at all.

So, the point is this: I'm still weak, my lungs are still not working normally again, and right now I am merely concentrating on (1) trying to stay upright so I can work (2) trying to breathe, and (3) trying to get my head on straight because I feel overwhelmed with everything I haven't been able to do and all the things I'm behind on.

That said, I'd appreciate any patience and understanding given while I attempt to get completely well and back to normal. I'm not 100 percent okay, but I will be. I will respond to comments, answer e-mails, and the like as I can, but right now my energy is limited and only about half as much as I normally have.

When I say I've been sick, I mean so ill that I could barely function and get out of bed -- literally. You are welcome to private message me here on FB or e-mail me at scribe quill@gmail.com, but please allow me 24 hours to respond. I'm swamped, overwhelmed, and behind on every single thing, which only adds more stress.

Thanks for understanding, and I fervently hope you and your loved ones dodge this wicked respiratory flu. If you have asthma like my husband and I have, it is even more serious, since breathing is primary for surviving! There is nothing more nightmarish than trying to take a breath and not getting enough air. Talk about instant panic!

This note is long, I know, but I had to touch base and let you guys know I'm still alive (thus far) and taking things one step at a time. Thanks for understanding. I appreciate it more than you know.

The Scandinavian MacNeils: Families trace roots back to the Vikings | The Chronicle Herald

Yes, and I have the DNA test to prove it wink emoticon I am related way back to Thomas MacNeil of Barra (for starters), who fought in the Revolutionary War.

The majority of my DNA ancestry is Northern European, with Scandinavian/Norwegian as part of it. I am proud to have come from the Northmen (and women)! Smart, powerful, fierce, tenacious.

Skål to my ancestors!

The Scandinavian MacNeils: Families trace roots back to the Vikings | The Chronicle Herald

It's not that hard, so what don't you *understand* about separation of church & state OR freedom of religion?

I'm curious. What don't some people get about separation of church and state OR freedom of religion? Because I think it's pretty clear. There is a REASON why there are NO bibles (or other religious bullshit) that should be allowed in schools. Quit being daft, okay? UNDERSTAND the Constitution and why the forefathers crafted the document that way.

A long time ago, my daughter went to Sproul Jr. High (as I did when I was younger). I HATED going there, by the way. Most people treated me like shit. Plus, Felicia Braxton and Rita Gonzales bullied and threatened to kick my ass EVERY damn day as I walked to catch the bus, and I still don't know why they picked on me. Probably because I was a new kid in school and looked different than all the other girls. Yes, I named them. Don't care because they bullied me and I did NOTHING to deserve it. I hope they grew up and matured (I'm assuming they did). I also got made fun of because of my weight, and that sucked. No wonder most of my friends were guys! Thanks, Phillip Salas, for being nice to me back then, by the way. I never forgot your kindness.

But I digress...one day I was waiting for my daughter to get out of school, and I saw where there was a person standing outside the school, HANDING OUT BIBLES. I was incensed! I called the office to lodge my complaint, and I was FLOORED when the office lady I spoke to didn't understand WHAT was wrong with that or why I was upset. Really? I tried to calm myself as I explained that NOT EVERYONE IS CHRISTIAN and it is not appropriate to indoctrinate children at a public school by having a person hand out bibles to kids as they got out of school. She didn't get it, and I was frustrated by her IGNORANCE.

So, no, NO bibles should be in public schools and religion has NO PLACE in public schools. If you cannot understand why, then you need to go back and educate yourself and STOP having tunnel vision. I get incredibly frustrated when people who seem intelligent in every other way totally miss the reasoning behind this sort of thing.

Freedom of religion. Separation of church and state. What in the fresh hell do you NOT understand?!

[Article] What type of perfectionist are you?

I'm a socially-prescribed perfectionist. Yep! I have a HUGE fear of failure and I'm terrified of embarrassment, shame, and guilt. This is why I've never understood writers who have told me, "Oh, my novel will be a bestseller and is so much better than those on the NYT Bestseller list!" Um...that's so overconfident and bold. There's just no way I could ever say that. I mean...wow...I'm way too critical of myself and nothing I ever do is as good as I think it should be. But I also fear success. I mean, if I succeeded, then that would mean pressure to ALWAYS succeed (at least in my mind). Basically, I'm neurotic as hell!

So much for not caring what others think, right? Still got lots to work on, it seems! Oh well...awareness is an important first step.

What Flavor of Perfectionist Are You? - Psychology Today

From the article:
"In contrast, socially prescribed perfectionists may be compared to neurotic perfectionists [a term originally coined by Hamachek] in that they do not derive pleasure from their labors and efforts and tend to view their work as inadequate or inferior. Furthermore, they report experiencing external pressure and or coercion to accomplish tasks. Therefore, the maladaptive symptoms of the socially prescribed perfectionist emerge not from an internally felt desire to be their best, but more from a fear of failure and/or a desire to avoid embarrassment, shame and guilt" (p. 154).