"This is NOT okay. This is not okay at all."

I have an extreme sense of unease about my country and the world right now. It's a free-floating anxiety that something big and bad is about to happen. Of course, bad things happen on a daily basis throughout the world -- always have and always will -- but I'm hypervigilant and can never seem to fully relax for any length of time.

The fact that I have PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) should come as no surprise to most of you who've been on my friends' list for a while. But damn, this presidency and everything that comes with it is exacerbating the shit out of my issues and making them a thousand times worse. When I go to bed at night, my mind is no longer at peace because I never know what bad news or events I'll wake up to the next day.

Logically, I know some of the things I should do in order to improve my frame of mind. The main reason I'm posting this, though, is to ask how many of you are also finding that what's going on in the White House and our government is disrupting your sleep and filling you with an ever-present sense of foreboding?

Each time I ask, "Can it get any worse?" it does. I feel like I'm living in an increasingly dystopian world where insanity is the norm and people are willingly (and sometimes rabidly) accepting all the madness and chaos as if everything is fine and dandy. "Nothing to see here! Move on along." Meanwhile, my mind is screaming, "This is NOT okay. This is not okay at all. Can't you people see that?"

So tell me, is there anybody else out there who feels mentally battered and bruised by the onslaught of near-constant fuckery going on with 45 and his inept and troublesome administration?

Dealing with PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder--Overwhelmed by Human Interaction

I joined a FB group for those, like me, who have Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist in summer of 2006). Sadly, the group only causes more anxiety and agitation for me, so I had to remove myself. It was too much to deal with. Lots of overwhelming, intense posts and many upsetting ones that acted as triggers.

This is why I wouldn't want to do group therapy--because when people are in pain and hurting, it impacts me so much on the inside (though I may not show it on the outside), that my anxiety disorder kicks in, along with the nasty PTSD side effects, and I end up feeling unwell. If I become too emotionally upset, I get sick because my system gets so run down from it all.

So, if I ever tell you, "I am not ready to talk about this right now," or, "I have to sit with this; I'll get back to you later," please don't push me. There's a reason why I tell you those things. Respect my boundaries and wishes, just as I would do for you.

And while I do meditate, practice breathing, and do other things to assist with managing my Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and PTSD, it takes much more than those things to treat my issues. Simplistic advice for complex problems doesn't wash, especially when you aren't me and you don't know all the facts or backstory/history.

Why yes, I do use marijuana for medical purposes. What of it?

To my dear friends: it's okay to tell people I use marijuana and that it helps with my medical issues. I'm not afraid to admit it and it's okay if you tell others should they ask for examples of people who use marijuana to assist with their issues.

In a nutshell, in summer of 2006 I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), PTSD, Dysthymia (dysthymic disorder), and dual depression. I went in for a study on depression and, after running through all the prelims, I was told my problems were too complex for the study. I had no idea. It was an eye-opener for sure!

According to mentalhelp.net, "'Dual' or 'Double' depression is a term used to describe the condition of a person with Dysthymia who also develops a more severe and persistent Major Depressive Episode at the same time. As mentioned previously, dysthymia is a less severe type of depression that involves long-term, chronic symptoms that do not disable, but which do make it difficult to function or feel good. People diagnosed with double depression require aggressive depression treatment not only during the acute Major Depression phase, but also during the chronic low-grade Dysthymia phase that follows in order to try to prevent future occurrences of Major Depressive Episodes. Studies suggest that individuals with double depression often respond well to antidepressants for their Major Depressive Episodes, but that their low-grade dysthymic symptoms may not abate completely. In other words, if you suffer from double depression, medication may relieve your most severe depressive symptoms, but you may not experience periods of feeling completely well."

So yes, I do smoke weed when I have anxiety attacks or feel like I'm about to have a meltdown. Now, I can tell you that I'm proud of myself for accomplishing what I do, given the fact that I've had days when getting out of bed was a major feat. I wouldn't wish all of this on anybody, BUT if you suffer from any of these conditions, take heart that you CAN still function, even though it's difficult at times.

Don't be too hard on yourself (still working on that myself!) and remind people that you DO have these conditions, so people who aren't struggling with them can learn about them and offer you support and assistance. You are capable, strong, and resilient!

Feel free to message me at any time if you need a boost, okay? I've been there and done that. Still fighting it...but winning (or so I believe)! Blessings & love.