[Dream] Letterman shows me the world — and we visit Neil Gaiman

In a new episode of "What the Hell Did Bev Dream About This Time?", I was treated to a vivid dream where David Letterman took me all over the place to see interesting things and people. It was like I was his assistant or something.

Along the way, my clothes got messed up, so I was forced to continue the journey wrapped in a towel. This made me uncomfortable and nervous, but Letterman paid it no mind as he had lots to show me on our trip.

Eventually, we ended up at a venue where Neil Gaiman (one of my favorite authors) was having his latest work presented (I believe it was in movie form). I was upset about still not having any clothes to wear, and especially since Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite people and, quite frankly, I had a crush on him. How embarrassing!

Soon after this turn of events, my alarm went off and I didn't get to finish the dream. Bummer! It was a fun, interesting, and realistic dream, so up till the time I woke up I enjoyed it immensely. David Letterman and Neil Gaiman in the same dream? MOST EXCELLENT!

[Dream] I expected more from you, Matthew McConaughey

I've had several nights of stranger-than-usual dreams. One night I dreamed I was riding with Matthew McConaughey in his big truck. He was quite the daredevil and never missed a chance to try death-defying driving moves.

Well, he tried to take a running start at a stone wall to try and jump over it, except he missed and I was thrown outside the vehicle and the truck came down and nearly crushed me.

Then he pissed off some guy on the road, so the guy was set on revenge in whatever way he could exact it. He came after MM and anybody associated with him, including me.

I hid in a bathroom and locked the door/tried to secure it as best I could. He somehow squeezed through the bottom part of the door, cornered me, and shot me dead.

So, basically, Matthew McConaughey was a dickhead and I lost my life because of it. By the way, MM sort of reminds me of my first husband in certain ways. So I do like MM – except when he unintentionally gets me killed.

[Dream] Kate & Dean Rickershaw

While I'm at it, my propensity to dream names, addresses, and the like still occurs. The night before last I dreamed about the names 'Kate and Dean Rickershaw.' I do not know anybody by those names, but I saw those words written out in my dream.

Once again, I have NO idea why I see names, addresses, and random words written out in my dreams. However, I've made it a point to try and tell Paul about it when it happens and to write it down somewhere should I have to refer to it later.

Dutch/Rotterdam connection?

Many months ago, I had a dream where such a ship appeared and I was on that ship, watching as it was sailing near a big city. I blogged/journaled about it and may have posted about it here as well. Now I'm glad I did write about it because the other night I had the STRANGEST experience where I had a FLASH memory of me in a past life (at least that's how I understood it).

Out of the blue, I saw myself wearing a medium blue linen dress, along with a blue hat that had a strip of white around the edge. The hat had triangles folded up on each side. I 'saw' myself dressed like this and knew I'd seen that type of hat before, but couldn't immediately place where I'd seen it because I was almost ready to fall asleep myself and in a hypnogogic state. Which, of course, is when fantasies, hallucinations, and all sorts of mind-altering stuff can occur.

After Googling images, I found the hat I saw in the sudden flash in my mind -- turns out I was in traditional Dutch dress, and the hat was a traditional Dutch hat (!!). I knew I'd seen it before, but it didn't connect at the time what kind of hat it was or who would wear it. Color me shocked! I also found images of people wearing the SAME clothes I 'saw' myself wearing in that flash memory.

Then I remembered that this past year I'd dreamed about the ship with 'Rotterdam' written across the side of it. That past dream was suddenly triggered. I Googled images and found a ship with 'Rotterdam' on the side of it. BINGO! There it was. It was all too weird.

In addition, I then remembered that I'd signed up to take a course on Dutch. I signed up for no apparent reason; it just seemed interesting. With everything else going on at the time, I'd abandoned the course because my load was too full and I'd decided to take it on a whim with thoughts of completing it later.

The other night it all came to me. I tried to tell Paul, but he was half-asleep and as I was telling him, he fell off into slumberland. So I texted Britt about the entire thing so I could remember it later to post here and on my blogs. I didn't want to forget everything, and once I fall asleep, I'm apt to forget things when they're pushed out of my head by new dreams and thoughts.

Now, I cannot say this was a past memory. I have no proof of that. The image flashed into my mind and the thought that came with it was that it was me in a past life. But we all know our minds are cunning things, don't we? Regardless, what an amazing, living computer our minds are!

I'm not sure what this was all about, but it was cool as hell and I don't know what to make of it. But I did go and sign up to take that Dutch class again!

[Musings] Maybe...

Ever get tired of life's bullshit and constraints? All the rules, social expectations, marching to other people's drums? 

I do. 

Maybe I just want to spend a month doing nothing but being silly, laughing, sightseeing, having no schedule, daring to say and do things others might not approve of. 

Maybe I want to be selfish. 

Maybe I want to set off on a journey with no idea of where it'll lead me. 

Maybe I want to stand naked on a beach under a full moon and feel tears of joy stream down my face. 

Maybe I want to fill a tub with lime green gelatin and play around in it. 

Maybe I want to live without rules, boundaries, or expectations before I die. 

Maybe that's what I want.

[Dream] Yasuldation means...?

The word 'yasuldation' showed up in my dream last night. It is common for various words, names, and phrases to pop up in my dreams. Usually, they're written out, and I read them in my dreams and try to remember what I read afterward.

I woke up and strove to remember the word because I'd never heard of it before. I was curious about whether it was a real word. The answer is no; it's not an actual word. The closest thing I discovered is that 'yasul' is a Korean word that means metallurgy.

I suppose one could say my subconscious loves to make up new words. As a writer, that's exciting and interesting. At least I think so!

The best thing about my dreams is that they're so intense and rich in the images, words, and stories that happen in them. I never know what I'll dream, and each night I go to bed with a sense of anticipation over what adventure awaits during my slumber. Keeps things interesting!

[Dream] Dream Yanni, you just a playa!

Yanni was a real jerk to me in my dream last night, especially when I accidentally spilled the entire contents of my purse into his swimming pool. I guess the high point was when he fondled my breasts and put lotion on them. After that, he was a huge jerk and was bringing naked women and men into his mansion to fool around with them. You're just another player, Dream Yanni!— feeling amused.

[Dream] Blonde little girl with a cherubic face

Last week I dreamed I was combing the back of a girl's hair. Others were working on her hair and they were knotting it up and making it messy. This little girl's hair was so blonde, it was nearly white. As a child, Paul was a towhead and his hair was just as light.

In the dream, the girl's hair was not quite to her shoulders, so it was still short. I brushed the back of her hair, marveling at how pretty and smooth it was. The girl had such an innocent face, too. Almost cherubic, I'd say. Upon awakening, I felt peaceful and serene. Interesting dream, for sure.

[Dream] Defending friends from hate and gossip

If I ever had a normal dream (whatever that is!), I'd be surprised. Then again, I'd probably be disappointed since I'm so used to strange, twisted, surreal dreams.

Last night I dreamed I was in a large building where church services and other events were held. More than one group or organization would meet there. In this case, I was there to learn how to conduct a special ritual or service for a LGBTQ organization. I was there as an ally, because in this dream (and in real life), I'm heterosexual. They gave me an impressive, white-feathered cape/robe to wear. It was heavy, but gorgeous. The feathers were small, not large, and there were countless ones all over over the cape/robe.

In another area of the building, a right-wing, evangelical church congregation was meeting. I found out through observation and overhearing things that they were saying awful, mean things about my friends in the LGBTQ organization. The churchgoers would smile a fake smile when they saw anybody from the group I was with, but then they'd immediately talk and gossip about them, making fun of who they were and saying snarky things about gays and homosexuality in general. They were haughty in their manner and acting like they were better than everyone else.

The thing that angered me the most was the two-faced behavior of the churchgoers. They would plaster on a fake smile, then drop the act and become vicious and mean when they went back to their area. In real life, as well as in my dreams, I can't stand such duplicity. I cannot stand it even more when nobody will challenge it and call people out on their behavior.

When I got the chance, I went over to the area where the churchgoers were and I stepped out into the big room/area, startling them (because they were busy trashing my friends down the hallway in another room). Four of the church leaders/evangelicals were at the front of the room, and I walked up to them and pointed at all of them. Then I confronted them about their false, duplicitous behavior. They were so taken aback, they didn't know what to say. Someone had heard and seen what they were doing, and they never expected to get caught.

After confronting the mean-spirited and homophobic congregation, I walked out of the room, leaving all of them speechless. Then I returned to my friends at the LGBTQ event, donned my white-feathered robe, and learned how to conduct the honorary ritual. It was a beautiful, uplifting ceremony and everyone was happy. I was nervous, but did okay.

After it was all over, there was much laughter and hugging, with plenty of conversation. I was glad that I had stood up for my friends and defended them against people who pretended to be good people and holier than thou, but who were actually mean-spirited, gossipy homophobes who gained pleasure from hurting others and saying awful things about other people.

A strange, interesting dream, but the end of it was terribly satisfying.

[Dream] Who is John Kavorsky, and why is his name in my dream?

John Kavorsky. I do not know anybody by that name, but I read his name in one of my dreams the other night. 

My old FB friends will know that I have a habit of seeing names, addresses, and random words in my dreams at times. I try to write them down or record them in some way just in case I need to refer back to them. 

I also saw "Ft. Ord" written on an old stone sign at my former university, Phillips University in Enid, OK. Why "Ft. Ord" would be written at the bottom of that sign is beyond me. Doesn't make sense. Then again, Trazodone-fueled dreams usually don't make sense.

[Dream Logic] Rats, snakes, and sex—oh my!

A couple nights ago, I dreamed of tussling with an alligator. I was thrashing about so violently in bed that Paul woke me up. My whole body was sore the next day.

Last night, I dreamed about a house that was filled with snakes and wild rats. I have no problem with fancy or pet rats, having owned a few in my lifetime. These were rabid, wild, intimidating rats. The place was overrun with them, in addition to the creepy, slim garter snakes.

[EDIT: I just looked up vipers, and the snakes were pit vipers instead of garter snakes. I found a photo that looked **exactly** like the ones in my dream. Shudder!]

Oh, except there was one huge snake -- black and deep purple in color -- that I wrested up on the counter. Paul took a butcher knife and cut it in two, killing it.

That snake, though, didn't seem as wicked or threatening as the smaller ones, though. Their sinister triangular heads (like vipers rather than harmless snakes), induced extreme fear.

In the dream, they were invading the home, slithering through cracks, crevices -- you name it. We could barely keep up with killing them all.

Again, my whole body was sore today when I woke up.

Battling snakes is a recurring theme in my dreams this past year. Between that and dreaming about battling demons, conducting exorcisms, and getting lost in strange cities or on high school or college campuses.

On occasion I also find my dream self in dark, foreboding warehouses that have been turned into underground sex clubs. Usually I'm the observer, rather than the participant. Though on occasion I've been involved. Most of the time, though, I'm taken aback by the debauchery I'm witnessing.

Mind you, I'm not a prude. However, I do prefer a sense of decorum in the bedroom. I don't like messy, disgusting sex that involves too much of an extreme. I'm more of the sensual type, with a love of oils, scents, candles, massages, kissing, foreplay, whispered words of love, and decadent sensuality. For me, pain doesn't equal pleasure. I want to feel good, not bad.

*Shrug* Each to his or her own.

At any rate, these are the recurrent themes in my dreams over the past year. Apparently, they plan to surface in 2015 as well. I'm aware of the dream symbolism of most of these things. I also understand how they each relate to my life, both past and present.

It's interesting how your mind works through things, isn't it?

[Dream] Cafeteria shenanigans

Last night I had another weird Trazodone-fueled dream. I looked into it, and Trazodone does give some people weird-ass dreams. They're so bizarre and disconcerting to some that people stop taking it. Not me, though. Strangely, I look forward to a new adventure every night.

Some dreams are more disturbing than others, but they're *never* boring. Last night I was in a cafeteria with my daughter Britt. The cafeteria was full of all sorts of food -- but it was weird, odd food. Strange colors, strange combinations, odd dishes.

Britt kept wandering off, which annoyed me. I'd turn around to ask her something, and she was gone again. When I went to call for her, I'd yell for Wendy, even though I knew her name was Britt. The name Wendy came out of my mouth each and every single time, and I'd go, "Damnit, I meant Britt!"

I told Britt about the dream and when I mentioned that I called her Wendy over and over, she replied, "Mmm...Wendy's sounds good." Lol! I have to agree with her. I could go for a Frosty right now.

Yes, I know it's not healthy food and all of that. I'm not completely daft! I still want a Frosty and a spicy chicken sandwich. So there! ;-p

Recurrent Dream: Lost Again

Again, I had the same dream but in a different setting. I've lost count how many times I've had this dream over the past six months.

I am at a place -- sometimes a campus, an amusement park, a high school, a sprawling housing complex, a fairground with rides, a city or town. I end up getting lost and wandering around for hours.

Although I ask for help, either I get vague or wrong directions, or no response at all. I try all different routes to get to where I need to go, but I end up somewhere else, and even more confused.

It's a frustrating, depressing dream that never seems to end. In the dream, everyone else is oblivious or they are nonchalant.

I'm well aware how this dream mirrors the challenges that have come up over the past few years. I get the symbolism and the layers of meaning. One day soon I'll find my way and I won't be lost in my dreams anymore--or in real life.

It's up to me to figure it out, as it has been most of my life. Except I'm weary and tired. I need a break, but as they say, people in hell want ice water, too. I'm not sure why I haven't given up, like many people would have.

My psychiatrist was amazed I am not a substance abuser or alcoholic, based on my life history. It goes against my nature, I guess. If I give up, I surrender and I'm beaten. I'm not that type of person, though.

Once I get knocked against the ropes, it takes time for me to recover, but once I do I'll come out swinging again. I'm tenacious, if nothing else. Stupidly so, perhaps. This recurring dream reflects that.

Being human is about being real. I'm being real with you, even if it's uncomfortable.

[Dreams] Strange words, roller coasters, Michael Jackson reincarnated

So, the next chapter of the weird stuff I dream. As I mentioned many times before, I sometimes dream of words, phrases, names, or even addresses. This started happening a couple years ago, roughly. It had never happened to me before then.

The other night I once again saw a word written out in my dream. The word, 'legerdemain,' I have heard of before, but I didn't know what it meant. I wrongly suspected it had something to do with owning land or something like that. I looked it up, and it actually means conjuring, sleight of hand, skill in using your hands to perform magic tricks, or a display of skill/adroitness. The word was typed out on a piece of paper, which is how I read it in my dream. What an interesting word to dream about and ponder. 

As for last night, one dream was about a roller coaster accident. It tilted too much to the left (I viewed the coaster from behind, by the way) when it went around a bend and dumped all the riders into a body of water that was next to the coaster. Nobody was killed, but it was a disturbing dream. 

I also dreamed that Michael Jackson was a kid again (possibly reincarnated?) Except his new name was typed out on the tab of a folder as Garane (Garone?) Michael or something similar. I was leading him around in my dream (he was a kid and I was an adult) and taking care of him. 

Strange all around! Because, you know, I can't ever have boring dreams. They have to be filled with weirdness, intensity, and crazy emotion.

Serve your own plate.

Night before last, I had an intense dream. Nothing new, since most of my dreams are intense. The thing is, right before I woke up, I was given advice in my dream—not sure by whom—and it echoed in my mind upon waking and for hours afterward.

The advice, as told to me in my dream, was this: "Serve your own plate."

It is a metaphor for life, and for choosing what's best for you in your life. The meaning behind it is simple: when you go to put food on your plate (perhaps at a smörgåsbord or potluck, for instance), serve your own plate. You alone should choose what items you put on your plate. Do not give your plate to anybody else, and do not let anyone else determine the things you will have on your plate. Select items you most want and desire, because it is your plate (your life). Since you'll be eating those things (experiencing those things in life), you alone should determine which choices are best for you.

The advice in my dream was simple, but profound. I really had to sit with it and think about it for a while. It still resonates with me days later.

It's not uncommon for me to see names, words, phrases in my dreams—actually written out so I can read them. This has been happening with me for the past several years. It's a new development, as I have not had it for most of my life. However, in this dream, the advice was not written out, but spoken.

Again, I do not recall who gave me this advice, but I am grateful for it. I felt the need to share it with you all, because I believe it's something you, too, need to hear.

So, this is your plate. It's called life. Serve your own plate!

[Dream of July 29, 2013] A steep road, impish statues and lush greenery

Last night I had a cool dream where I was in a car with some people (I don’t remember who), and we were traveling up a steep, one-lane road that wound around and had sharp curves. It was precarious, but still beautiful because both sides of the road were lush with greenery and featured all sorts of beautiful plants. Within the plants and greenery that dotted the side of the steep road, there were countless statues and parts of statues of all types. Some were peeking out, some were posed, some looked like they were intentionally placed there for artistic effect. The lush, deep green plants and trees/bushes grew up, over, and around the statues…it was fascinating and beautiful.

I was driving, and although I was fearful of the steep road (and worried another car would come down the hill and force us off the road or hit us), I couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty all around us as we made the trip. We eventually made it to the top of the street and up the hill, although at one point I had to stop, put the small car in reverse (it was as small as a Mini Cooper — reminded me of a European car), and carefully back it down the road a bit (not sure why). But eventually we continued our trek up the hilly road.

Once we arrived, there was a beautiful stone mansion with majestic pillars on the outside. The place had an astonishing view. We got out, but from there I don’t remember much after that.

The prevailing memory from the dream was the amazing beauty of the foliage and how the statues were cleverly placed along the side of the road, seemingly peeking out from behind leaves and trees as if they were alive and not merely made of stone. There was an impish, playful nature about the whole thing. Like the statues were alive, but shy and hiding. Like…I don’t know…guardians? I don’t know how else to capture the feel of it.

A strange, yet wonderful dream. I needed the respite from the nightmares I’ve been having lately.

The Buddhist Temple/Pagoda Dream

The other night I had an interesting dream that involved a longtime friend and former classmate of mine, Cyndy C. I've already shared it with her, and now I'm posting it here so I can tag it for future reference should I need it.

Essentially, we were tooling around Colorado Springs in a small car -- like a Mini Cooper -- and having lots of fun hanging out and seeing all sorts of stuff, including having lunch. We left lunch and got in the car, saw a HUGE pagoda-like building, drove up the steps (!) and parked right at the entrance. Nobody said anything to us about parking there. We got out of the car and went straight inside.

It was an open building -- no doors -- and it was a massive combination Zen Buddhist temple and marketplace selling incense, mini altar statues, Buddhas, incense burners, altar supplies and the like. We walked around, checking out the wares. We spoke with various Buddhist monks who were wandering around, greeting people who were visiting. It was exceptionally pleasant.

We were up on the massive top floor. The pagoda-like structure had a red brick-colored roof (not made of bricks, but of red ceramic tile) and there was an odd sea-foamish green color used throughout the structure -- very brushed, worn and old. The pillars of the building were painted with the red brick color, too.

We were checking out the layout of the main floor at the top when we noticed there were holes, or shafts, that led to the bottom. It appeared there was some kind of machinery down inside of them. I remember looking down into one of the shafts and asking what it was and what was I was seeing in there.

A monk told us the entire building was built on top of a large, old ship (which was the same sea-foam green -- worn and with the paint rubbed off the ship's steel hull). He said it was to honor the Zen Buddhist monks who had been on the ship when it wrecked and sank. So what we were seeing when we looked down those rectangular holes/shafts were the remains of the ship, which was what the temple was built upon. Essentially, it was an altar of remembrance to those monks who had perished in the ship accident!

That's how the dream ended...but Cyndy and I were both fascinated by the story the monks told us about the history of this place of worship. We loved the place in this dream. It was so peaceful and felt so homey. The energy was loving and accepting. Monks would freely come up to us and tell us about their history, worshipping rituals, legends and such. One monk came up to us with a large bundle of smoking incense (had to be like 50 sticks!) and it was smoking/burning. It was an incredibly enjoyable dream!

If you have any thoughts, ideas or interpretations of this dream, feel free to post in the comments. :-)