Saturday, July 19, 2014

Recurrent Dream: Lost Again

Again, I had the same dream but in a different setting. I've lost count how many times I've had this dream over the past six months.

I am at a place -- sometimes a campus, an amusement park, a high school, a sprawling housing complex, a fairground with rides, a city or town. I end up getting lost and wandering around for hours.

Although I ask for help, either I get vague or wrong directions, or no response at all. I try all different routes to get to where I need to go, but I end up somewhere else, and even more confused.

It's a frustrating, depressing dream that never seems to end. In the dream, everyone else is oblivious or they are nonchalant.

I'm well aware how this dream mirrors the challenges that have come up over the past few years. I get the symbolism and the layers of meaning. One day soon I'll find my way and I won't be lost in my dreams anymore--or in real life.

It's up to me to figure it out, as it has been most of my life. Except I'm weary and tired. I need a break, but as they say, people in hell want ice water, too. I'm not sure why I haven't given up, like many people would have.

My psychiatrist was amazed I am not a substance abuser or alcoholic, based on my life history. It goes against my nature, I guess. If I give up, I surrender and I'm beaten. I'm not that type of person, though.

Once I get knocked against the ropes, it takes time for me to recover, but once I do I'll come out swinging again. I'm tenacious, if nothing else. Stupidly so, perhaps. This recurring dream reflects that.

Being human is about being real. I'm being real with you, even if it's uncomfortable.