To those of you who don't "get me" or are frustrated at trying to connect with me. Please read and, perhaps, you'll understand. Or not. At any rate, this is how things are with me, and you can accept them or not. You cannot change the person I am or erase the issues I've had all my life. I'm pasting a conversation I had with sister Aspergirl friend, Thorne. In hindsight, I think it was meant for a blog post.
First and foremost, I am an Aspie female. I did not have a clue until last year. **And this is where I pick up from Thorne's conversation**: "After going through life and wondering what was wrong with me, and learning how to 'act' in order to get along with others (the best I can) and cope with my surroundings, it was a relief to find out there was an explanation for it. Now I just wish that some people I know would take the time to understand why I am the way that I am and not ask me to change for them.
My biggest pet peeve is when someone who is not me and who has NOT lived my life tries to tell me I'm THIS but NOT that -- and they try to act like they know who I am inside. I think I know myself better than anyone else, quite frankly, and I am most assuredly a female Aspie. I'm also very smart and I have learned to shift my behavior and I've had to learn to cope by mimicking others or learning how to respond (there are still situations where I mess it up) throughout my life. I know (Thorne) you've had the SAME problems with such things. It's very annoying! Pretty arrogant for someone else to act like THEY know you better than yourself, isn't it? Grrrr! I think I've lived in this body and with this mind for 48 1/2 years and have had a lot of experiences that they don't know about, so they can either accept that this IS me or they can pound sand. They don't get to tell ME who I am, know what I mean? I'm just thinking of the stuff you and I have discussed privately. People can be soo annoying over stuff like this. I'm glad Nan posted it and shared with me!
Like you said, this will definitely come in handy; it would be even handier if you could have a sheet that you carried around and handed out to people when they "just don't get you." You could say, "Here, read this!" They probably wouldn't, because most of them don't care enough to bother. But still, it's tempting."
I always find it interesting that people who would push, scream and cry against you trying to change them or tell them who they are seem all too eager to change YOU or tell YOU who you are or are not. What arrogance! I know who I am, I know all kinds of shit I've been through (that YOU know nothing about) and I think I'm more of an expert on ME than you are by far.
I love when I tell people I have PTSD and they try to tell me I couldn't possibly have it (like my oldest brother did). Hey, why not talk the psychiatrist who diagnosed me (along with several other issues)-- how about that? Who the hell is ANYONE to tell ME they are a bigger expert on me than I am MYSELF?! I wouldn't EVER dare do that to someone else. It's not my place, and it's not anyone else's place to do that to me.
So, the bottom line is that I'm who I am am for a reason, and if I do not fit into your tidy world view or you don't know how to "deal" or "connect" with me, that's your issue and not mine. If I cannot "deal" with someone or cannot "connect" with them (and I can be nice and congenial to most people, but I rarely feel a true and deep connection with them -- just being honest), I simply decide to keep walking my path and if we find a way to relate, that's great. If we don't, I'm not interested in forcing it into being something it's not.
I will say this -- if you have publicly insulted or embarrassed me in the past, there is very little chance I will allow you an opening to do that again. Rude, tactless behavior directed at shaming someone in front of others by drawing attention to their physical appearance is NOT a cool thing to do, and if you truly had compassion, you wouldn't think of doing that to a so-called friend.
Okay, a long post, but I needed to get it out of my system. If I've offended anyone, that's your issue. You're welcome to stay, but invited to leave if you do not understand that this is my virtual home and sanctuary and I post whatever I want on my blog without any permission needed. This place is primarily for MY expression and thoughts. You have your own place for YOUR expression and thoughts.
Also, a warning: if you are combative or mean in the comments, you will be removed and blocked. I don't think anyone will be, but just in case. :-) This is a statement I needed to make in a firm, yet authentic, way. It is NOT a post that's up for debate or examination. Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming. ;-)
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