That moment when the awful someone gave out for decades slingshots back to them in a harsh and shocking way, and you're not sure how you feel about it. All I feel is sick to my stomach over the entire thing. Why couldn't they have been a better person? Why couldn't they have not manipulated and hurt people? Why couldn't they have not engaged in criminal behavior and cost someone else's life?
In case you've ever wondered why I focus on forensic psychology, and particularly those with ASPD - Antisocial Personality Disorder (sociopathy/psychopathy), it has a lot to do with the person I'm alluding to. I was targeted by this person. I was naive and the perfect victim, in fact. However, due to what I experienced, I am no longer a victim and don't plan on being one ever again (if I have anything to do with it).
I even jokingly told other friends that if anybody ever found me dead, to focus on that person first. Yep, that's how intense this person's obsession/targeting was. It was creepy, unsettling, scary. Even after I cut all ties, this person kept trying to interact with me and threatened/verbally abused me because I wouldn't give in. I deleted/blocked/ignored, but they still found a way to try and insert themselves into my life again.
As much as I'm friendly to people and have friends I care about, I no longer let people get too close to me for a reason. You'll only see so much of what's inside. Sadly, I never fully trust anybody. I always look for ulterior motives – or wonder what people's motives truly are – because of my past experience with the person I'm referring to and because I worked in a police department where I saw the worst side of humanity. Don't be fooled by appearances or the masks people wear.
Let's face it: every person on this earth has some sort of an agenda, however minimal. And yes, I realize how bad that sounds, but once you've been targeted by a person with nefarious intentions, complete trust is a difficult gift to give to anybody.
So, my nerves have been on edge today – and for good reason – but I don't want to be more specific about the situation than I have been here. The dogs have been restless as well, so I have no doubt they've picked up on my nervous energy/anxiety. I'm currently processing a lot of thoughts/feelings.
I knew everything would eventually catch up with the person, but I'm not happy with the results. Instead, I'm sick to my stomach. Even after everything that's happened, I feel sorry for this person. But even more so, I feel more sympathy for their victim(s), one of whom is no longer alive because of this person's actions/involvement.
I'm not great at keeping things inside. Needed to get some of it out. I'll likely write a blog post about the entire tale in the future, but not right now. Not ready yet.
Really hate mindf*ck situations. Don't you?
No comments:
Post a Comment