Je Suis Charlie: I'm a writer, and I will *not* censor myself

Here's the deal: I do not follow your religion (I'm pagan, so I do not follow any of the Abrahamic religions). Therefore, I am *not* bound by your religious beliefs, and I do not have to respect your religion. You damn sure haven't respected my beliefs! In fact, plenty of pagans have been hanged and tortured throughout history and STILL ARE in parts of the world.

Yet, I'm expected to be sensitive and respectful, no matter how many insane or murderous acts are carried out in the name of a jealous, bloodthirsty deity of your making? No, just NO.

I will not sanction such absurdity and vile actions by trying to understand belief systems or zealots who have warped them so they bring nothing of value to this existence. Instead, they bring only acts of pain, death, and inhumanity into this world.

Nor will I censor my thoughts, speech, or writing. I'm a writer, and I shall write whatever I damn well please. If ink must turn to blood in order to fight for the rights of expression, then so be it. As a writer, I will not cower, I will not cave, and I will not censor myself to satisfy the masturbatory spiritual delusions of mad men and mad women.

If we cave to these kinds of acts and threats, they will become more insistent and severe until free speech and expression disappears. I will never be quiet to assuage your sense of false entitlement. I will not be silent in order to keep others comfortable.

I hope you will join me in pledging the same, fellow scribes and artists.

Things other people like or understand, but I do not

There are many times when I just don't get the attraction of certain things the majority of people (or a large share of them) enjoy. Examples: "Seinfeld," "Friends," "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," and various talent competition shows like "American Idol," "The X Factor," or "The Voice," etc. And if you ever catch me watching "Duck Dynasty" or "Honey Boo Boo," lop off my head. Yes, I know the latter is cancelled, and that's a good thing as far as I'm concerned.

Obviously, to each his or her own, but the one that surprises me the most is my "Meh" reaction to "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel." I tried, but I can't get into them. By all indications, you'd think I would. But I don't. *shrug*

I'm also a bigger fan of "Torchwood" than I am "Dr. Who." Yes, I DO like "Dr. Who," but something about "Torchwood" resonates with me more. Perhaps it's John Barrowman's FINE ASS. And yes, I *know* he's gay. He makes me want to be a gay man. That man is HAWT.

Speaking of hot men, David Tennant is a hot little toddy as well. I loved him in the remake of "Fright Night." Initially I was opposed to remaking that movie, but I saw it and approved. As if Hollywood cared, right? ;-p

To be fair, I'm sure many people don't get my rabid interest in corvids, slinkies, collecting coffee cups, the paranormal, exorcism, sociopaths, smoking pipes, eye patches, vintage candy (like red wax lips or Mallo Cups), spontaneous human combustion, Dr. Demento, peeling dried glue off the palms of my hands, hentai*, pretty male Japanese rockers who sometimes dress like women, or any number of other odd things. Yes, I've a weird bent to my personality. However, after five decades on this planet, that won't change in the future. I'm likely to get stranger!

*Please, don't ask me what hentai is; if you're over 18, look it up.

This is yet another entry in Bev's "what you didn't care to know about, but she told you any damn way."

Answering Marcel Proust's Questionnaire

Here are my answers to the Proust Questionnaire, which was used in Victorian times by Marcel Proust. It was brought back into popularity by Vanity Fair magazine in 1993. 

Give it a try, post your answers, and comment with the link to yours, if you wish!

~Bev

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A cozy autumn evening with my husband on a beautiful Victorian couch in front of a fireplace. I would sip mulled wine while we watched movies, then I'd spend time reading and crocheting before we snuggled into bed.

What is your most marked characteristic?
Outspoken.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Living life the way I wanted, even though it's caused me difficulties on occasion.

What is your greatest fear?
It's a tie: heights & the moment of death.

What historical figure do you most identify with?
I'm not sure why, but I'm fascinated by Mata Hari. I identify with her because of her unconventionality, seductiveness, and bohemian nature. I see myself as secretly having the temperament of a double agent (spy). 

Which living person do you most admire?
The Dalai Lama. Love him! He doesn't take himself too seriously.

Who are your heroes in real life?
All the writers, musicians, artists, and other creatives who continue to follow their passions in a world that is constantly trying to tell you to give up your dreams and 'be sensible.' 

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Overanalyzing every. single. little. thing. to the point of madness.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Cruelty.

What is your favorite journey?
The one I take when I'm reading books.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Meekness.

Which word or phrases do you most overuse?
The F-word.

What is your greatest regret?
Marrying (the first time) at 20 years old. 

What is your current state of mind?
Contemplative.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
More understanding and fewer assumptions about people, events, circumstances; although they may think they have full story and historical narrative from all parties, they don't.

What is your most treasured possession?
Mac laptop computer.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
To shackle oneself to life of drudgery and mind-numbing routine, only fulfilling duties and not taking the opportunity to find joy, happiness, and passion when the chance arises.

Where would you like to live?
Highlands of Scotland, Norway, or Japan.

What is your favorite occupation?
Writer. DUH!

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Intelligence.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Noncompetitiveness.

What are your favorite names?
Alexandra and Peter.

What is your motto?
Vita sine libris mors est, which is Latin for "Life without books is death."

On the Cusp of the Big 5-0

It's now December 16th. My last day of being 49 years old. What a trip!

I used to think 30 was old, and I in NO WAY feel like I'm turning 50 tomorrow, on Wednesday. That's a half-century old!

Where did the time go, I ask?

Ah, well. I've learned a lot of things, made plenty of mistakes, had tons of laughs, cried a whole bunch, and met a lot of interesting people along the way.

I'm ready for my next 50 years, please and thank you benevolent (yet sometimes challenging) Universe.

I heard if you haven't grown up by the time you're 50, you don't have to. A good thing, since I wasn't planning on it anyway! *cackle*

Dealing with PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder--Overwhelmed by Human Interaction

I joined a FB group for those, like me, who have Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist in summer of 2006). Sadly, the group only causes more anxiety and agitation for me, so I had to remove myself. It was too much to deal with. Lots of overwhelming, intense posts and many upsetting ones that acted as triggers.

This is why I wouldn't want to do group therapy--because when people are in pain and hurting, it impacts me so much on the inside (though I may not show it on the outside), that my anxiety disorder kicks in, along with the nasty PTSD side effects, and I end up feeling unwell. If I become too emotionally upset, I get sick because my system gets so run down from it all.

So, if I ever tell you, "I am not ready to talk about this right now," or, "I have to sit with this; I'll get back to you later," please don't push me. There's a reason why I tell you those things. Respect my boundaries and wishes, just as I would do for you.

And while I do meditate, practice breathing, and do other things to assist with managing my Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and PTSD, it takes much more than those things to treat my issues. Simplistic advice for complex problems doesn't wash, especially when you aren't me and you don't know all the facts or backstory/history.

My Three Blogs: Pick and Choose

I have three main blogs. Two are primarily related to writing (the oldest blog was established in 2005). In addition, I also have a personal blog.

For writing, reading, book info, and editing tips, go to http://intrepidwordslinger.wordpress.com
or  http://elementalmusing.blogspot.com.

For personal posts about life, creativity, art, crocheting, knitting, and miscellanea, visit http://theredmistdescends.blogspot.com.

Read, comment, follow, please ;-)

If you have a blog, comment with the website address and I'll return the favor. I love reading other people's blogs!

I'd appreciate it!

[Dream] Cafeteria shenanigans

Last night I had another weird Trazodone-fueled dream. I looked into it, and Trazodone does give some people weird-ass dreams. They're so bizarre and disconcerting to some that people stop taking it. Not me, though. Strangely, I look forward to a new adventure every night.

Some dreams are more disturbing than others, but they're *never* boring. Last night I was in a cafeteria with my daughter Britt. The cafeteria was full of all sorts of food -- but it was weird, odd food. Strange colors, strange combinations, odd dishes.

Britt kept wandering off, which annoyed me. I'd turn around to ask her something, and she was gone again. When I went to call for her, I'd yell for Wendy, even though I knew her name was Britt. The name Wendy came out of my mouth each and every single time, and I'd go, "Damnit, I meant Britt!"

I told Britt about the dream and when I mentioned that I called her Wendy over and over, she replied, "Mmm...Wendy's sounds good." Lol! I have to agree with her. I could go for a Frosty right now.

Yes, I know it's not healthy food and all of that. I'm not completely daft! I still want a Frosty and a spicy chicken sandwich. So there! ;-p